Holding Space for Others Without Abandoning Yourself
Blog Series Part 6 - Becoming a Voice
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned on my healing journey is how to be there for others without losing myself in the process.
For a long time, I didn’t even realise what I was doing. I discovered the word “rescuer” someone who feels compelled to help everyone, to fix everything, to pour so much of themselves into others that they forget their own needs. And that was me.
I thought I could help everyone. I thought that if I just gave more, listened more, and sacrificed more, I could make everything better. This happened in relationships, friendships, and even within my own family. I would take on other people’s burdens as if they were mine, and sometimes I genuinely believed I was doing the “right thing.”
But over time, I began to notice the cost. My energy drained. My boundaries blurred. My own healing slowed because I was too busy rescuing others. I realised that holding space for others doesn’t mean abandoning yourself. It doesn’t mean absorbing someone else’s trauma or neglecting your own needs.
True presence comes with balance. You can listen without losing yourself. You can offer support without taking on someone else’s responsibility. You can show empathy without sacrificing your own boundaries.
Some ways I’ve learned to do this include:
Check in with yourself first — Before stepping into someone else’s struggles, I ask myself how I’m feeling and what I need to stay grounded.
Set clear boundaries — It’s okay to say no, step back, or limit the time and energy you give. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re protective.
Remember your limits — You are human. You can’t fix everyone, and trying to do so only leaves you exhausted.
Prioritise self-care — Healing and growth require energy. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Finding this balance hasn’t been easy. It’s something I continue to practice every day. But in doing so, I’ve discovered a deeper kind of presence one where I can show up fully for others and for myself.
Holding space is an act of love for others and for yourself. By showing up with authenticity, compassion, and healthy boundaries, you model a way of caring that doesn’t come at the cost of your own wellbeing.
When you learn to hold space without abandoning yourself, you create a ripple effect. You teach others that it’s possible to care deeply while remaining whole. And in that space, everyone including you can heal.