My biggest struggle

My biggest struggle right now?
I don’t recognise my own body.

And yeah it’s a full topic in therapy because it’s that bad.

What people see and what I see are two completely different things.
They see a body.
I see something that feels foreign uncomfortable like I’m trapped in it.

The weight?
Out of my control. Medical. Hormones. Conditions. Whatever label you want to put on it.
But I still have to live in it every single day.

And no one really talks about how f*cked that feels.

I do everything “right.”
I show up. I try. I push my body. I look after myself.
And it still doesn’t reflect back.

So yeah, I can’t look in the mirror.
Not because I’m insecure in a cute, fixable way.
But because it genuinely feels confronting like I’m staring at someone I don’t connect to.

There’s a grief in that.
A loss of identity.
A quiet kind of anger no one sees.

And the worst part?
People think this is about confidence.

It’s not.

It’s about being in a body that doesn’t feel like home…
and having no choice but to stay.