THE QUESTIONS I GET ASKED
“Are you single?”
“How long have you been single?”
“Don't you miss the physical side of a relationship?”
“Are you not lonely?”
Let's talk about it. Because apparently, a woman being single and genuinely happy with her life is still a concept some people struggle to understand.
It's almost as though there's an expectation that at some point we should be looking for someone, finding a partner, settling down and ticking that relationship box.
But what if that's not what we're looking for?
What if we're actually quite happy with the life we're creating?
What if being single isn't something we're desperately trying to change?
For me, this isn't about giving up on love. It's about understanding what I've spent the last five years building and why I'm no longer prepared to compromise that for the sake of having someone beside me.
Five years of healing, five years of growth, five years of finding me.
I've spent five years healing, five years growing and, most importantly, five years finding myself.
Five years ago, I walked away from one of the worst relationships of my life.
I walked away carrying things that took years to understand, unpack and work through. There was a lot of rebuilding to do. Not just rebuilding my life, but rebuilding my confidence, my identity, my self-worth and my relationship with myself.
And because apparently I hadn't learnt enough lessons at that point, I walked straight into trying to start another relationship.
Guess what?
EPIC FAIL.
But here's something I will always be grateful for. That connection didn't turn into the romantic relationship we might have initially imagined, but we've become the best of friends.
It taught me something important.
Not every connection is meant to become a relationship.
Some people enter your life and their place in it changes. That doesn't mean the connection was a failure. Sometimes friendship is where that connection belongs.
And I think there's something quite beautiful about being able to recognise that.
I've dipped my toes into the dating world and bloody hell!
Now, before anyone thinks I've completely shut the door on dating, let me clarify.
I've dipped my toes into the dating world.
And I can assure you, it's not quite as attractive as people might think!
I've heard the excuses, experienced the time-wasters, encountered a serious lack of maturity and even had criminal convictions thrown into the mix.
Honestly, I've had more consistency out of my morning coffee.
It's been an interesting little adventure, to say the least.
And if anything, it's reinforced why I'm not prepared to settle just because someone happens to be available.
I'm not asking for the moon.
I'm asking for honesty, emotional maturity, consistency, communication, accountability and someone whose actions actually match their words.
Apparently, that's a bigger shopping list than I realised.
But seriously, why should having a relationship mean lowering your standards, ignoring red flags or making excuses for behaviour you know doesn't sit right with you?
I've spent too long learning to recognise what isn't healthy for me to willingly walk back into it.
I'd rather have an empty space beside me than an emotionally exhausting situation taking up space in my life.
Why do we assume women need a relationship to be happy?
I think somewhere along the way we've been conditioned to believe that happiness means finding a partner.
That being loved means being chosen by someone romantically.
That being single means you're missing out, lonely, incomplete or waiting for your real life to begin.
But what if we're looking at it all wrong?
What if happiness isn't something another person gives you?
What if it's something you create?
What if the most important relationship you ever build is the one you have with yourself?
Over these five years, I've learnt to enjoy my own company. I've learnt to make plans, create memories, explore, travel, laugh, have adventures and find joy in the little things.
I've discovered that I can have a beautiful day without having someone to share every moment with.
I can go for coffee, spend time at the beach, enjoy nature, connect with friends, spend time with family and make memories.
I don't need a partner to give me permission to enjoy my life.
And no, that doesn't mean I never want companionship. It means companionship is something I can welcome, not something I desperately need to feel complete.
Do I miss physical touch? Am I lonely?
Of course I do sometimes.
I'm human, not a bloody robot. 😂
There are moments when a hug, a cuddle, affection, intimacy or simply having someone beside you would be lovely.
And yes, there are moments when loneliness creeps in.
I'm not going to pretend otherwise because that wouldn't be honest.
But there's a difference between occasionally feeling lonely and being unhappy with your life.
There's also a difference between wanting physical connection and accepting the wrong person just to experience it.
I don't believe we should have to sacrifice emotional safety, respect, trust or our peace just because we miss being close to someone.
We can acknowledge our needs without allowing those needs to make decisions that aren't good for us.
Missing something doesn't mean you should settle for anything.
I'm not anti-relationship. I'm anti-losing myself.
This is probably the biggest lesson I've taken from the last five years.
I know what it feels like to lose yourself in a relationship.
To put someone else's needs ahead of your own. To question yourself. To make excuses. To compromise parts of who you are just to keep something together.
And I also know what it takes to find your way back.
I have worked incredibly hard to rebuild my life.
I've done the therapy, the counselling, the personal development, the uncomfortable conversations with myself and the work that nobody else sees.
I've learnt about boundaries, self-worth, emotional safety and what it means to listen to myself.
I've learnt that peace is valuable.
That consistency matters.
That words mean very little without actions.
That love shouldn't require you to abandon yourself.
So if someone comes along, they need to meet me where I am.
Not rescue me. Not complete me. Not become my entire world.
Just meet me as I am, with honesty, kindness, emotional maturity and the willingness to build something healthy.
I don't need a relationship to prove that I'm lovable.
And I certainly don't need one to prove that I'm happy.
The woman I found along the way.
Five years ago, I was walking away from a life I knew I could no longer live.
Today, I'm building a life that feels like mine.
I'm a mum, a nanny, a friend, a woman with dreams, interests, passions and plans of her own.
I'm learning, growing, healing, laughing, making memories, enjoying nature, spending time at the beach, drinking far too much coffee and discovering what life looks like when I stop making myself smaller for other people.
I'm discovering who I am outside of being someone's partner, someone's mum or the person everyone else needs me to be.
And honestly?
There's something incredibly freeing about that.
I don't have everything figured out. I'm still learning. I'm still growing. There are still things I want to experience and parts of life I'd love to share with someone.
But I'm no longer sitting around waiting for someone to arrive before I start living.
The biggest thing I found in these five years wasn't another person.
IT WAS ME.
And I'm not losing her again just to say I'm in a relationship.
So, let's answer those questions one more time…
Am I single? Yes.
How long have I been single? Long enough to know myself a whole lot better.
Do I miss physical touch? Sometimes. I'm human.
Do I get lonely? Occasionally. That's life.
Have I explored the dating world? Absolutely. And let's just say my coffee has been a more reliable companion. 😂
Am I open to love? Yes, if it's healthy, genuine and adds something beautiful to the life I've already created.
But is my life lonely, empty or on hold until someone comes along?
Absolutely bloody not.
I'm not waiting for someone to make me happy.
I'm already living.
And if someone comes along, they get to add to that happiness, not be responsible for creating it.
Until then, I'll happily enjoy my own company, my coffee, my beach walks, my friendships, my family, my adventures and the beautiful life I'm creating.
Because being single isn't a problem that needs fixing.
Sometimes it's a season of discovering just how good life can be when you finally stop abandoning yourself.
And quite frankly, my coffee is currently setting a much better example of consistency than the dating pool.😂
A little something to leave you with…
You don't need to be in a relationship to be whole.
You don't need someone to choose you to know your worth.
You don't need to be someone's everything to have a meaningful life.
And you certainly don't need to settle for less than you deserve just because being alone sometimes feels uncomfortable.
Choose yourself. Build a life you love. Stay open to love, but never lose yourself looking for it.
The Healing Garden – Turn Pain Into Power.