How Im Redefining Love After Abuse

When you’ve been through abuse, love becomes distorted. You get used to chaos being called passion, control being called care, and manipulation being disguised as devotion. Leaving that behind doesn’t mean love suddenly makes sense again it takes time to unlearn.

I had to first learn to love myself before I could understand what healthy love should look like. Respect. Safety. Freedom to be myself. Compassion. Love that allows me to grow without fear.It's a journey of rediscovery, where I began by setting boundaries and listening to my own needs. I learned that love doesn't demand perfection, nor does it thrive in insecurity. True love is patient and understands that healing takes time. It encourages honesty and vulnerability, providing a safe space to express emotions without the fear of judgment.

As I redefined love, I realized it should feel like coming home, a sanctuary where both partners are equal and supportive. It's about partnership, where both give and receive in harmony. Love, after abuse, becomes a conscious choice to seek relationships that honor and uplift, rather than diminish.

In this process, I found that love extends beyond romantic relationships. It includes the love from friends, family, and most importantly, oneself. It's about nurturing connections that bring joy and peace, and recognizing that I am deserving of love that celebrates my strengths and accepts my flaws.

Redefining love is about reclaiming my narrative, choosing to believe in a love that is gentle and kind, and knowing that I am worthy of a relationship that enriches, rather than drains, my spirit.

Reflection for you:

Don’t rush into love after pain. First, show yourself the love you wish to receive. When you treat yourself with kindness, you raise the standard for how others treat you too.

Practical Tips for Redefining Love:

Write down what love isn’t — this helps you see red flags clearly.

Practice daily self-love (affirmations, acts of kindness to yourself).

Learn the signs of healthy relationships: respect, safety, trust, compassion.