BUT YOU CAN SEE WHAT IT DOES TO YOU.
The invisible damage. The body that remembers. The healing nobody talks about.
Trigger warning: Trauma, abuse, chronic illness, nervous system dysregulation and the physical impacts of prolonged stress.
Imagine darkness slowly creeping through your body.
Not on the outside, where people can see it. But deep inside. Twisting, changing and impacting parts of you that you don't even realise are being affected.
Your brain. Your nervous system. Your ability to feel safe. Your physical health. Your ability to function.
And here's the thing about trauma: You can't always see what's happening beneath the surface.
You can look perfectly fine on the outside while internally you're fighting battles nobody knows exist.
You can smile, go to work, raise children, maintain relationships, laugh with friends and keep showing up for everyone else.
Meanwhile, your body is carrying the weight of experiences it hasn't yet had the opportunity to process.
THE DAMAGE THAT DOESN'T SHOW UP IN PHOTOGRAPHS
Trauma isn't just about what happened to you.
It's also about what happens inside you afterwards.
Prolonged exposure to abuse, neglect, abandonment, toxic relationships, fear and chronic stress can affect how your brain and nervous system respond to the world.
Your body can become conditioned to expect danger, even when you're no longer in that environment.
Your nervous system can remain on high alert.
Your brain can develop protective responses around memories, emotions and perceived threats.
Your muscles can remain tense. Your sleep can be disrupted. Your ability to regulate emotions can become harder.
And sometimes, the physical and psychological impacts become so overwhelming that everyday life feels like an uphill battle.
For some people, trauma is also part of a much bigger health picture, including chronic pain, fatigue and functional symptoms.
Not every illness is caused by trauma, and trauma doesn't explain away every physical symptom. But understanding the connection between our experiences, brain and body can be an important part of recovery.
WHEN YOUR BODY STARTS SPEAKING
For years, I didn't fully understand the relationship between what I'd experienced and what was happening inside my body.
I was dealing with pain, illness, neurological symptoms, exhaustion and a whole lot of things that were difficult to explain.
I was trying to function while navigating a body that sometimes felt like it had completely different plans.
My diagnoses and understanding of FND, PPPD and other health conditions opened up a different way of looking at my experiences.
It made me realise just how important it is to look at the whole person, not just individual symptoms.
Sometimes we spend so long trying to push through that we forget to stop and ask ourselves:
What is my body telling me?
Am I constantly operating in survival mode?
What am I carrying emotionally?
Where do I still feel unsafe?
What support am I missing?
What needs attention rather than another attempt to push through?
These aren't questions with instant answers. But they're worth asking.
FIVE YEARS INTO HEALING AND I'M STILL DISCOVERING THINGS
Yesterday, during my mirimiri, I was reminded of something.
There are still parts of my healing journey that need attention.
My nervous system, brain and other systems have made improvements, but there are still areas where I need ongoing support.
And honestly? That's a bloody big reminder.
I have spent years doing the work. Therapy, counselling, learning, rebuilding, understanding my trauma and finding ways to support my physical and emotional health.
I live with two conditions where trauma was a significant contributing factor.
I've worked incredibly hard to get to where I am today.
But healing doesn't mean you reach a point where everything magically disappears.
Sometimes you uncover another layer.
Sometimes your body responds to something you thought you'd already worked through.
Sometimes the old version of you and the person you're becoming collide.
And sometimes you need to stop, reassess and give yourself the care you need.
That's not failure. That's being human.
HEALING IS MORE THAN TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
There isn't one magical treatment or one-size-fits-all recovery plan.
Healing can involve different forms of support, depending on your circumstances, needs and health.
For some, that might mean trauma-informed counselling, EMDR, medical support or rehabilitation.
For others, it might include gentle movement, body-based therapies, relaxation, cultural healing practices, nature, creative expression or learning how to regulate their nervous system.
For me, finding the right people has made an enormous difference.
People who listen.
People who don't dismiss my experiences.
People who understand that recovery isn't always straightforward.
People who are willing to walk alongside me rather than expecting me to figure everything out alone.
And that's something I wish more people understood.
You deserve support. You deserve to be heard. You deserve a team that sees the whole person, not just a list of diagnoses.
PLEASE STOP IGNORING THE WARNING SIGNS
We can become so accustomed to living in survival mode that we mistake it for normal.
We get used to the exhaustion.
We get used to the tension.
We get used to pushing through pain.
We get used to putting everyone else first.
Until one day our bodies force us to stop and pay attention.
Please don't wait until you're completely burnt out to start looking after yourself.
Check in with yourself.
Notice changes in your physical and emotional health.
Seek medical advice when symptoms appear or change.
Find practitioners who listen and work collaboratively with you.
Build a support network.
Learn what helps you feel safe, grounded and supported.
And remember, you don't have to tackle everything at once.
Small steps count.
THE WOMAN BEHIND THE WOUNDS
I'm no longer interested in pretending healing is pretty.
It isn't.
It's messy, confronting, exhausting and sometimes bloody frustrating.
But I also know what it's like to fight for a life beyond survival.
I know what it's like to rebuild yourself after years of experiences that changed you.
And I know what it's like to discover that even after all that work, there are still places within you that need care.
I'm not going backwards.
I'm learning to listen differently, respond differently and look after the woman I've worked so hard to become.
Because my body deserves compassion, not punishment.
My health deserves attention, not dismissal.
And my healing deserves patience.
Your trauma may have changed you. It may have affected your brain, your body, your health and the way you experience the world. But you are not just the things that happened to you.
You are still here.
And there is still room to grow.
A LITTLE REMINDER FOR YOU
If something in this blog resonates with you, take a moment to check in with yourself.
You don't have to have all the answers today.
You don't have to unpack everything at once.
You don't have to prove how much you've suffered to deserve help.
Start by listening to yourself. Find safe support. Give your body the care it deserves.
And please remember, you don't have to walk this road alone.
The Healing Garden 🌻
Turn Pain Into Power. One layer, one lesson, one day at a time.