Chapter Four: Coping Mechanisms That Were Actually Survival

What is often referred to as “bad habits” is frequently a reflection of nervous system survival strategies ways the body employs to regulate itself when it feels unsafe.

Substance Use: I resorted to alcohol to dull the pain and turned to weed at different stages, depending on what I was trying to escape. This became my method of coping for a significant period.

Dissociation and Distraction

I wasn't even aware that I was engaging in this behavior, nor did I realize it had a name. For a long time, I felt disconnected from myself and my emotions. I found myself endlessly scrolling, constantly busy, losing track of hours on devices, or becoming excessively absorbed in relationships. These actions offered temporary relief from feelings that seemed too overwhelming, painful, or unsafe to confront.

Addiction is often less about the substance or behavior itself and more about the need for regulation. It becomes a quick and accessible means of altering internal states when the nervous system has not yet learned healthier ways to self-soothe or find grounding.

This is why relying on willpower alone rarely resolves these patterns. Trauma responses aren't logic they are driven by the nervous system. When the body senses threat or overwhelm, it instinctively reverts to whatever previously provided relief, even if it is harmful in the long run.

Lasting change is not achieved through force; rather, it emerges from a sense of safety. It involves nurturing and gradually expanding the nervous system's capacity to stay present without the instinct to flee.