The Double-Edged Sword: The Complexities of Being a Mum

We just had mothers day and i know its mothers day in the world today for some and mothers day looks different for many and we are all on our own journey of parenting what ever that may look like for you. Becoming a mother is an experience filled with immense joy, love, and fulfillment. Yet, it also presents numerous challenges and complexities that can be overwhelming at times. In this blog post, I explore the dual nature of motherhood through my personal journey—a journey that others may relate to and one that involves navigating through life's ups and downs.

My personal Journey of becoming a mum

There's no denying the unparalleled joy that comes with being a mum. From the moment you hold your newborn baby in your arms, a deep sense of love and connection washes over you. The sound of their laughter, the feel of their tiny hands in yours, and the unconditional bond you share create moments that are truly priceless. As a mother, you have the privilege of witnessing your child grow, learn, and flourish, and there's nothing quite like the pride that comes with seeing them achieve their milestones.

What if the image of being a mother that you envisioned never existed, and you lacked a mother figure to guide you in forming your own identity, creating bonds, and shaping your upbringing? One crucial lesson I learned was how not to replicate my mother's parenting style, ensuring that if I were to have children, I would raise them differently.

I became a mother at 19, and truthfully, I was terrified because the dad wasn't very supportive and way things were going big indicating hat I would be a single mum. From going into labor to finally having my daughter arrive over 19 hours. After an emergency c-section, I held her the next day which sucked. She was a beautiful baby with blue eyes and blonde hair that made her look bald., she was about to change my life for ever the one that made me a mum Unfortunately, motherhood turned into a nightmare instead of joy. I couldn't savor being a mum as her dad neglected his role, and others questioned my parenting just a week after she was born. I felt constantly scrutinized, always trying to prove I was a good mom. Before I knew it, baby number 2 was on the way, adding to the chaos. Despite the challenges, my focus was always on my daughter, striving to do my best for her. With a new home, a new environment, and the arrival of the second baby, the worry and pressure to prove myself as a good mother persisted.

Here I am, holding my second beautiful daughter, who is completely different from her sister with dark hair and blue eyes, yet she has the biggest eyes. In that moment of bonding with her, I made a promise that regardless of what lay ahead, these girls were my world, and I would provide them with the life I never had. I cherished them with all my heart for five years, until life took an unexpected turn, and I lost them for seven years. It was then that I contemplated ending it all because they were my everything, and despite life's imperfections, I didn't deserve what was thrown my way. Without delving into all the details, I found myself in a tumultuous relationship with a man who broke me, leading to a toxic dynamic and severe strain on my mental well-being. I made regrettable decisions, yet one thing remains true – I was not the inadequate mother I was portrayed to be. Im guilty for repeatedly choosing him and allowing misconceptions to prevail, I was also fearful of leaving. For four years, I igave all my knowledge to those girls, baking with them, taking them on adventures, comforting them through sleepless nights when they were unwell, seeing their first steps, first words, first day at daycare, and then one day, it all vanished.

Being a mother was not as glamorous as I had imagined, and far from what I expected. Given the chance to start over, it was a shock, as my son, who I consider who saved me, allowed me to embrace been a mum. Sadly, my heart ached as my daughters were no longer with me, and I never wanted them to feel replaced because that was not true. My son is my final child due to fear of being a single mother again, for medical reasons. As I held him, I made a promise to myself to do better and protect him at all costs.

I missed out on seven years being a mother to my daughters, and that time can never be regained. I was absent during their primary school years due to ongoing heartache, legal battles, accusations, and conflicts with various parties such as the justice system, child services, my mother, ex-partner, and others who had formed negative opinions about me.

I won custody and brought my daughters home, guiding them through their teenage years and into adulthood. However, these resilient young women bear their own scars and wounds, undeserving of the hardships they've faced.

The Challenges of Motherhood

Despite the immense joy that motherhood brings, it also comes with its fair share of challenges. The constant juggle of balancing work, household responsibilities, and childcare can leave mums feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. The pressure to be a "perfect" mother, coupled with societal expectations and judgments, can take a toll on a mother's mental and emotional well-being. The lack of sleep, the endless demands, and the never-ending to-do list can sometimes make mothers feel like they're on a never-ending treadmill.

There are challenges that surpass the usual struggles of being a mum. For some of us, perfection is not a luxury we experience, and this inspired me to write this blog. Seeing the beautiful gifts, lunches, and phone calls that others receive can evoke different emotions in some of us who don't have the same experiences. Not all of us are in relationships with our mums, children, or family; some have lost their mums. However, regardless of what being a mum means to you, remember to celebrate yourself, because you deserve recognition and to give yourself credit on Mother's Days.

Find Peace and some healing for you

Finding peace and healing as a mother is a journey that looks different for everyone. Motherhood encompasses a range of experiences—from the joyous to the challenging—and it's essential to acknowledge and embrace this diversity. Whether you're a new mum, a single parent, a stepmother, a mum that lost her children or an adoptive mother, each role comes with its unique set of circumstances and emotional landscapes.

For many mothers, finding peace means carving out time for self-care amidst the chaos of parenting. This might involve activities that soothe the soul and rejuvenate the spirit, such as meditation, reading, or engaging in a favorite hobby. It's also vital to seek support when needed, whether through friends, family, or professional help. Building a community with other mothers who share similar experiences can provide a sense of belonging and understanding, making the journey less isolating.

Healing often requires mothers to give themselves permission to not be perfect and to recognize that it's okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Embracing imperfection and the unpredictable nature of parenting can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling experience. Remember, finding peace doesn't mean the absence of challenges; it means developing resilience and finding joy in the journey of motherhood, regardless of what it may look like for you.