The Little Black Book of Excuses

Why I’ve Checked Out of Modern Dating

Not saying all men but enough of them have turned dating into a revolving door of half-effort, recycled lines, and Olympic-level excuse-making that it’s hard not to notice the pattern.

Somewhere along the way, the “little black book” stopped being about connections and started looking more like a catalogue of reasons why someone can’t show up.

Commitment issues.
“You’re chronically ill.”
“I have trauma.”
Ghosting for months, but still watching every story like they’re silently clocking in for a shift.
Disappearing then reappearing when they’re bored, lonely, or their other options fell through.
Hot and cold behaviour that keeps you questioning your own reality.

And just when you think you’ve heard it all, a new one gets added to the list.
Excuses so out the gate you almost have to laugh because if you don’t, you’ll start wondering how this became normal.

Let’s Call It What It Is

This isn’t bad timing.
It’s not confusion.
It’s not even always trauma.

It’s avoidance.

Avoidance dressed up as vulnerability.
Avoidance that still wants access to you.
Access to your time, your energy, your attention without any real intention of giving the same back.

Because that’s the part no one likes to say out loud:
Some people don’t want a relationship.
They want the benefits of one, without the responsibility of showing up.

The Chronic Illness Excuse

Let’s talk about this one properly.

Being chronically ill doesn’t make someone harder to love it just reveals who’s not capable of loving you properly.

If someone uses your health as a reason to step back, that’s not about your worth.
That’s about their capacity.

Because the right person doesn’t see “too much.”
They see reality and they choose whether they’re willing to meet you in it.

And if they can’t? Fine.
But don’t linger. Don’t breadcrumb. Don’t keep a foot in the door while slowly backing out.

That’s where it becomes disrespectful.

The Ghosting Cycle

Ghost.
Lurk.
Return.

It’s a pattern at this point.

And the audacity isn’t even in the disappearing it’s in the expectation that they can come back and pick up where they left off.

Like you’re a paused tab in their browser.

But here’s the truth: every time someone ghosts you and comes back, they’re testing your boundaries.

They’re asking, “Will you accept this?”

And for a while, maybe you did.
Maybe you gave grace.
Maybe you understood, over-explained, overextended.

Until one day, something in you just switches.

The Moment You Stop Entertaining It

You stop romanticising potential.
You stop making excuses for people who are already making them for themselves.
You stop confusing inconsistency with depth.

And most importantly
You stop questioning whether you’re “too much.”

Because you realise you were never too much.
You were just offering something real to people who weren’t capable of meeting you there.

Why I’m Single — By Choice

People love to ask why you’re single like it’s something that needs explaining.

Here’s the answer:

Because peace is better than confusion.
Because consistency matters more than chemistry.
Because I refuse to shrink myself to fit into someone else’s limited capacity.

I’m not interested in almosts, maybes, or “we’ll see how it goes.”

I’ve seen how it goes.

And I’d rather be on my own than constantly trying to decode someone who isn’t even trying to be clear.

Final Thought

Dating shouldn’t feel like chasing clarity.
It shouldn’t feel like emotional roulette.
And it definitely shouldn’t require you to lower your standards just to keep someone around.

If someone can’t show up believe them.
If someone keeps making excuses let them keep them.

Just don’t take them on as your burden to understand.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not a lack of options that keeps you single.

It’s a refusal to settle for less than you deserve.