Hitting Rock Bottom
Sometimes life has to knock you down completely before you realize it's time to get back up differently.
I remember hitting rock bottom. My body was literally screaming at me to stop - chronic fatigue, anxiety attacks, unexplained pain - it was like my physical self was staging a protest against the life I was living. But I kept pushing, thinking that's just how life is supposed to be.
The scariest part? I couldn't recognize myself anymore. Looking in the mirror, I saw a stranger - someone who had lost their spark, their joy, their essence. I had become so disconnected from who I truly was, wearing masks just to get through each day.
And the patterns? Oh, they were like a broken record. Every few months, I'd find myself in the same situations, making the same mistakes, dealing with the same heartaches. Dating people who were wrong for me, staying in toxic relationships because I feared being alone. It was like watching a movie where I knew the ending, but couldn't stop playing my part.
My life was absolute chaos. No stability, no peace, just constant drama and emotional turmoil. I was jumping from crisis to crisis, always putting out fires, never taking time to prevent them in the first place. My friends would joke about my life being like a reality TV show, but it wasn't funny anymore - it was exhausting.
The truth is, I was running. Running from my pain, my past, my responsibilities, myself. I'd fill every moment with noise - social media, dating apps, busy work, anything to avoid sitting with my thoughts. Alcohol became my Friday night therapist, and shopping was my Sunday morning cure.
The wake-up call came after another failed relationship with someone who was just as broken as I was. We were like two drowning people trying to save each other, only pushing ourselves deeper underwater. That's when it hit me - I needed to save myself first.
Starting this healing journey wasn't a choice anymore; it was a necessity. It meant facing all the things I'd been running from, feeling all the emotions I'd been numbing, and most importantly, getting to know myself again - the real me, not the version I'd created to survive.
It's been challenging, sometimes painful, but also beautiful. Every step towards healing has brought me closer to the person I was meant to be. And you know what? That chaos, those patterns, those toxic relationships - they were all teachers in disguise, showing me exactly what I needed to heal.
So if you're standing where I once stood, know that it's never too late to begin your healing journey. Sometimes, hitting bottom is just the foundation you need to build something beautiful.