Learning to Enjoy Your Own Presence

There was a time when I didn’t enjoy my own company.
Not because I disliked who I was but because I didn’t yet know how to be with myself without distraction.

Being alone once felt like something to tolerate. Something to fill. Something to escape. Silence made me restless, stillness felt uncomfortable, and my own presence felt unfamiliar. I was so used to giving my energy outward that being with myself felt awkward, even confronting.

What I didn’t realise at the time was that I was dissociating without even knowing it.
I stayed busy, distracted, and externally focused because being fully present in my body felt unsafe. Checking out became a survival response, not a choice.

Healing slowly rewrote that relationship.

As I moved through grief, unlearning, and becoming her, I began to realise the discomfort wasn’t about me it was about how often I had abandoned myself to stay connected to others. I didn’t know how to sit with my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own needs, because I had spent so long prioritising everyone else’s.

So I started small.

Sitting at the beach, just listening to the waves.
Short meditations to come back to my body.
Time in nature, noticing the birds, the wind, the sunlight.
Taking myself on solo dates coffee, walks, little adventures just for me.
Moments where I chose not to reach for my phone or rush to fill the space.

At first, it felt strange. But over time, something softened.

I began to notice how my body felt when I wasn’t performing or explaining myself. I started to hear my own inner voice without judgment. I learned that my presence didn’t need to be productive or pleasing to be worthy.

Being alone stopped feeling empty and started feeling intimate.

Now, I enjoy my own presence in a way I never thought I could. I trust myself. I keep myself company. I know how to sit with my emotions instead of running from them. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from knowing you can be with yourself fully, honestly without needing validation or distraction.

This doesn’t mean I don’t value connection.
It means I no longer fear my own company.

Learning to enjoy your own presence isn’t about isolation.
It’s about belonging to yourself first.

And that has changed everything.